October 1, 2005
it's been awhile
CURRENT MOOD: Regretful, but not regreting
why am i cursed with the touch of death? well it's not necessarily as if i kill all i touch, just...i don't know the difference from fantasy and reality, which can, at times, be harmful......it's that when i want something, really want something, no matter what, i can't have it.....i can have everyone else, but the one i love.....i fall in love to easily. so what if you have the perfect definition of love, i fit the requirements of a lovesick girl. i think about him all the time, he is the first one on my mind when i wake up, and the last one i think about before going to sleep. my day revolves around him, and when i am with him, it seems to last a second in forever.....have you ever experienced that? where when you are with someone, it seems to last an eternity, but then again seem to last only a minute? he makes me laugh, and he is so, different.....of course everyone i fall in love with are different in their own way. just the thought of being with him, even if it was only as a friend, would be......so.....so wonderful. he can be the one to make, & break, my day.....he is a dangerous man to have this kind of power over me, but he does, and he may not even realize it. he will never realize it.....he's laying in bed, while i am here typing my little heart away. he may have a notion though, it's my fault if he has any idea......i wished i never said anything at first, but i am just that kinda person....passionate, too passionate....when i fall for something, i fall hard, i can never just "like" something, every song i have, every romance i lived, every hobby i possess, at one point in my life, was more than just.....it was a love, a passion......i would love to get to know him, it's always nice to have a friend who can make me smile like he can, who can really just get me to forget about all that life has to destroy.......i don't know why, but i know that with him i can forget about troubles back home, friends who double as enemies, loneliness that can eat away a person's soul.......i can forget about a life that breeds insanity........perfection, he would be a great subject to capture on paper....i would hope to be able to one day do so........well, it's 2:30 am, and if for some reason, if by some off chance he is reading this, well, i want you to know i am sorry, for using you as the flavor of the month...i hope we can be friends
SONG THAT BEST REFLECTS TODAY'S BLOG: Senza Fine by Monica Mancini
Posted by ~*Pretty Kitty*~ at 2:36 AM
September 28, 2005
Senza Fine
CURRENT MOOD: Anxious
It was so perfectly planned, everyday it was imagined in the depths of my mind how in some very unlikely event a passionate romance would develop between the most unfathomable of candidates and me.....*sigh* I was told that it is not "bad" or even remotely uncommon for such hope to be kept, but that i leave myself open for any possible moment to happen....i lean in closer, and drop hints, and i even go as far as throwing away all logic and filling my head with some nonsense notion that it would be a great idea to practically spill my emotions on paper and hand it over to him.........i shouldn't say that i regret it, because i would regret my "what ifs" far more........but the feeling is wonderful...the rush of excitement, the pounding of my heart each time he walks into the room....how his character makes every episode in my mind so perfect, so well choreographed.......but he might not even be the man i have imagined so accurately in my dreams........neverytheless, no matter how improbable dreams may be, i still hold the lease to his presence in dreams so that I may play director to my own romance......may it be unhealthy, but according to "so & so" it's a natural defense machinism to the pain and rejection of the dating world.......ehhh...whatever you call it, i'll take it to go.........but i believe my escapades are over and done with, so those of you who were entertained by this drama, i am sorry, but the series is subject to cancellation for the lead actress cannot play the part when the plot is so obviously false.....but the short-lived intrigues, however innocent they were, will always be looked back on fondly, and with a little laugh.......
SONG THAT BEST REFLECTS TODAY'S BLOG: Endlessly by Muse
(click on the link below for song lyrics)Posted by ~*Pretty Kitty*~ at 12:13 AM
September 25, 2005
Tu per me sei tutto quanto / Tutto quanto io voglio avere
CURRENT MOOD: Foolish
hm, well now, here is the thing about "ethics" no matter what your beliefs are, no matter how strongly you guard your morals, there will always be....the "exception"....it's very exciting to not have one moment in my life where I am not questioning some part of me.....my preferences, my beliefs, my values.....but what's the point in defining them if there will always be the "exception"....only one thing is for sure....I follow my heart, blindly.....I don't stumble forward, I don't thrust out my hands to feel where I am going, I don't second guess myself when I tie the blindfold over my eyes and follow the winding path......I realize the awful, and sometimes embarrassing consequences...but all that does not matter to me.....i just simply justify every move I make, by my whim of desire.....it's who I want know, its being in love with love.....but it's not like I don't have options.....oh no, if anything, I have too many options.....there has not been a day where I haven't been hit on, or haven't been asked to go out on a date.....but for some reason my interest in dating hits an all time low....and i blame it, on one man......there are so many candidates out there, but this one....he just stole my heart away....of course I still enjoy flirting around with other guys, but if there is anyone I would want to get to know.....it's him......i remember how my heart just jumped the first time I saw him walk into the classroom.....and here is where the ethics come into play.....before, if you asked me my opinions on teacher/student relationships, it would have been that they should be not allowed....but he, he is the exception.....hard to believe the age difference, hard to ignore that thin strip of gold snaked around his ring finger......but i let myself fall....i threw away all doubt, fear, and logic, so that I can spend the most of my day dreaming of him....but he is not like any other "professor" you would imagine...hell, he is not a professor at all, more of that in-between stage of GSI and professor....but none the less, if it weren't for the fact that he is still a staff member....there is always the prospect of him being married, which is more than likely.......i could just imagine him laughing at the idea of one of his student's being infatuated with him.....entertaining my thought of a possible chance to live my dreams by throwing out subtle hints and entrancing smiles.....or it may be my wild imagination at work again....this drama unfolding before you, will not end at all, the way I hope it will.....maybe, there is nothing more to this than just my end of the story......love is dangerous, and I am no stranger to love......just put this one on my tab cupid & let me sign on the dotted line, for i know too well the risks i will take with this one
SONG THAT BEST REFLECTS TODAY'S BLOG: Sing For Absolution by Muse
Posted by ~*Pretty Kitty*~ at 4:47 PM